authenticity

Learning how to embrace your authentic self in every environment

Something I have always struggled with regarding my anxiety is the fear of judgment from others. This has caused me to hold back in social, professional, and personal aspects of my life. I've always been PETRIFIED about what others think of me, even though I know it’s out of my control. Each person I encounter has a different perception of me—some good, some bad.

I didn’t realize how much this fear of judgment was holding me back from discovering who I truly was. I've talked about discovering your identity before, and how it's deeply rooted in eliminating external factors and thinking solely for yourself. For the first 5 months of 2024, I fell into a routine of complete and utter peace and solitude, with minimal contact with the outside world. I focused on listening to my body and mind, learning when I needed a break. My routine consisted of waking up, working out, meditating, maybe another workout, more meditating, journaling, reading, lots of yoga and meditation, and a ton of therapy.

Over the last two months, I have slowly reintroduced myself to reality after an intense recovery from a deteriorated mental health state. I started working an internship that I love, which fuels my creativity. The sunny days, high UV levels, tanning, reading, and getting Vitamin D have filled my days. Friends are coming back from school, and social interactions have ramped up, contrasting with the five months I spent mostly alone.

I've changed a lot during those five months, and the people who have stayed in my life through recovery have noticed the shift. They say there’s a new level of peace and attentiveness in me. Although all the changes are positive, I still feared that change, whether good or bad, might lead to rejection from people and things in my life. I worried that people wouldn’t accept the “new me,” who unapologetically is herself for the first time ever.

All this being said, I have subconsciously begun to notice how truly authentic I feel in every area of life. I don’t find myself putting on fronts to please others or changing myself to fit someone else’s mold of positive perceptions. It is so freeing to let go of the belief that you can control others’ perceptions and opinions of you. Letting go of this belief has allowed me to unapologetically be me!

Today marks the second half of 2024.

Yesterday, I hit my 50th ride at CycleBar. I’ve been riding there for about a year now and never take for granted the privilege of moving my body in ways that serve my mind and soul. I love sweating out all the stress of the day there. The instructor gave their usual impromptu TED talk in the middle of class, and it felt like they were speaking directly to me. In so many words, they shared that today marked the end of the first half of 2024. Maybe your 2024 didn’t go as planned (me). Maybe it didn’t go great at all (me). Maybe you struggled in your personal life or with your mental health (also me). But there is a second half starting right now. There is a second half of the year that could turn all this negativity and hardship around to make it the best year yet.

Right now, although I have my days and experience some intense highs and lows each week struggling with my mental health, there is so much good within this second half of 2024 that I can’t help but squeal with excitement when I look at my calendar. I am entering my senior year of college (WOOHOO), I have so many exciting trips and events planned, and there is only goodness ahead, extending beyond the next six months. Although nothing ever goes to plan, that doesn’t mean things won’t still turn out to be good.

(me right now writing this post!)

Here’s to the second half of 2024. Let’s get it, babbeeess!