97 Days

For 97 days, I committed every ounce of my being to something that once felt impossible,

eating disorder recovery.

I showed up, even when I didn’t want to. I fought through the discomfort, the fear, the overwhelming urge to retreat right back to what was familiar and comfortable. I put my blood, sweat, and tears into healing the relationship I had spent years destroying.

And now, standing on the other side of those 97 days, confidently say I am happy with the person I have become.

The work isn’t over. Recovery isn’t a box you check off or a finish line you cross. It is an ongoing choice you have to make every single day. An eating disorder is a monster you have to let out of its box three times a day. Recovery continues in daily choices and in the quiet moments when no one is watching. With recovery comes a lot of grief and forgiveness. Grief for the years I lost to this illness, but also forgiveness to my body and mind in order to celebrate the life I am finally allowing myself to live.

I learned that food is not something to fear. It is not the enemy. It is not a number or a punishment or something to be "earned." Food is joy. It is comfort. It is connection. It is laughing over a meal with friends, sharing a dish at a restaurant, baking something just because it sounds good. Food is part of the life I am finally learning to live.

But recovery has been about so much more than food. It has been about community. About relationships. About learning how to trust and be vulnerable and let people in.

I walked into treatment feeling alone, consumed by an illness that convinced me no one could understand. I am taking steps forward with relationships built on shared struggles. I have experienced what it truly means to be seen, to be loved, to be accepted exactly as I am.

97 days. And for the first time in a long time, I am looking forward to what comes next.

For anyone reading this who feels stuck in the darkness, who believes they are too far gone, please, hold on. Recovery is painful and messy and terrifying, but it is also beautiful. It is worth it. You are worth it.

I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know what the future holds. But I do know this: I am choosing life. And that choice is the most powerful one I’ve ever made.